Well this year has been a crapper so far movies. It's not that we haven't seen some good ones, hell some fantastic ones even. It's really that this year has had so many movies you just sit there with and that do nothing for you. Some make you regret paying the 9$ (or so) to see them. Some make you sick or at least give you a headache. There are those that dumb your brain to mush and others just plain suck. However I don't regret watching them (paying for them is another story) because it's all experience. A scar reminds you of the mistakes you made and you try to learn from them. I'd wish some of these directors and actors would learn something though. Peter Travers (fast becoming my favorite film critic) says it best with "you can't really love the good ones unless you enjoy hating the bad ones... you gotta love the crap. What could be more fun than looking at John Travolta in "Battlefield Earth". So here is the current list based on what I've seen to be the big and bad of the year. Razzie award wining quality all around.
Most Disappointing: "Sucker Punch"and "Thor"
While not the worst I've seen, this takes the cake for most disappointing. See I had high hopes for this one. Zack Snyder last live action film was "Watchmen" an awesome and new twist on super heros. I think Snyder should just make movie trailers because that guy knows how to cut one like nobody else. The film's characters plot and characters kind of just lay around and never do anything. Everything is based around the cartoonish and decently enjoyable action fantasies. Problem is that this movie is PG-13. Are you fucking kidding me? From the director of "Watchmen" and "300" both movies have more nudity and gore than necessary, but that's why people loved them. They were over the top in the best ways. "Sucker Punch" shies away from nudity for action fantasies that could have been better with some blood. Not a bad movie, just disappointing.
I actually liked "Thor", but it could have been better. Looking at the cast and the director (the immensely talented Kenneth Branagh) it should have been a super hero classic. Instead we got an average comic book movie. The "taming" of Thor is cut way to short. An uninteresting final battle. Then there's Natalie Portman showing again why she's having the worst career year of her life. Sure she gets away with being likable, but barley cutting it something to be upset with. Somebody should tell her astronomers don't look at storms too.
Most Boring: "Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides"
So for a movie that's 3/4 fighting you'd think it be more exciting. Well outside of a fun opening action sequence this movie becomes littered with mundane fighting. It's a movie I've grown to like even less thinking about it, and I didn't really like it in the first place
Honorable Mention: "The Mechanic" and "The Rite"
Oh boy Jason Statham is at it again! Wake me up when it's over. It's all been done before and this is just showing why Statham is becoming the most boring actor in hollywood. I got hopes for his next action movie "Killer Elite" though. Statham should try another genre but that's for another time. At least Ben Foster tries his best with a film that really holds him back.
What's worse of all is that I saw "The Mechanic" and "The Rite" in the same night. Anthony Hopkins I know that your good in everything, just choose movies that are actually good next year. I'm tired of possessed movies and I think most people are too. We get three every two years. "The Rite" is just another failure when compared to "The Exorcist" and doesn't stand well by itself.
5.) "Battle LA"
I actually read one critic who said "Battle La" was one of the most un-american movies in years. It had something to do with an advanced military (the aliens) invading a place (the USA) for it's resources. Well the Marines will use guerrilla warfare (like the insurgents) to fight the oppressors. Well when you got lot's of explosions with almost zero plot that makes for a crappy movie. I gave it a decent rating at first but it really does not hold up over time. The movie when it actually tries to be serious is laughably bad. We have our first stinker on the list.
4.) "No Strings Attached"
Maybe this movie should be called no comedy or feeling attached. I'd like it better because than there would be no false hope going in. My expectations were dashed within minutes and the rest of the movie was a snooze fest. Ivan Reitman and Natalie Portman, I expected better and it really feels like you just phoned in the entire movie. It sucked.
3.) "Season of The Witch"
I expected a a bad movie and I was right. This is one dumb movie. Not engaging at all. This movie proves why there are reasons to just watch an average movie on cable again instead of seeing something new (release date, note ideas) at the theater. Awful!
2.) "Your Highness"
So this movie is just as disappointing as it is bad. I had high hopes. David Gordon Green, one of my favorite directors, has made his first bad movie. Even better or worse, he's made one of the worst movies of the year and I'll combine it with last year to double the effect. Flat, stale and repetitive joke. Scenes of ludacris stupidity. I wanted "Spaceballs" with a medieval twist but instead I got Mcbride and Green laughing in our face as we paid to see them make jokes that make you groan more than smile. I should have listned to my gut when I saw the trailer and didn't try to convince myself "but the ingredients are so good, how can it be bad?" Worst comedy of the year and one of the worst movies too, I'm calling it now.
1.) "Transformers: Dark of The Moon"
Did you expect anything else from me. You should read my review, I think it's just mean enough to this piece of trash movie. Actually trash and "Transformers 3" have a lot in common. They're both an eye sore, shiny, are loud when you bang them together (soulless robot fighting), the things inside are awful and kind of make you sick (just everything about this movie). I say instead of seeing this movie you do something similar to what Roger Ebert said the experience was like for the second and worst movie. You should go into the kitchen, put a calendar with hot chicks and cars on the fridge, next take out a bunch of pans out and just start hitting them together while you yell out loud and repetitive nonsense. Then hit yourself hit yourself in the head once because that should kill that amount of brain cells that "Transformers 3" will (maybe too mean but hey if this doesn't deserve it, what does?). Either way this just a bleak point in film history.
a special mention to Natalie Portman because I mentioned 3/4 movies this year. The other I haven't seen yet. Please because I loved you in "Closer" and "Black Swan", get a new agent.
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